Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
