I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
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And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize