Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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