oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
