He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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