They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
