I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
