end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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