You can't special order awesome
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
