she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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