I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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