apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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