When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
