Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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