I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How does one acquire holy water?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
