can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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