Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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