Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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