Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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