I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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