Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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