I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i just sent this text using only my big toe
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
