I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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