You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
