Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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