We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
