1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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