my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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