Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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