Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If I die, sorry about rent.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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