what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
