Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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