Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
