Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Drunk is not a location!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
