WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
you had me at cake vodka
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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