I'm jealous of your bromance
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
