i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
