I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
