I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
