there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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