Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
