he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
