I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
