Ambien. No doubt about it.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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