Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
