Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
