So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
