And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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