well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
