i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
