I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
