I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
