I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
