if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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