Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
