I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
