11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
