In the future we'll all be gay
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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