Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
