She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
