I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
