i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
