Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Pooping to opera.
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