when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
