he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
