I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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