Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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