The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
