the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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